Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
