She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
