so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
