All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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