white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
