If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had to cum in my sink.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
