My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
