thus making me awesome and them whores
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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