were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
