He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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