How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
