What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
