you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
