Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
