he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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