I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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