Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
