i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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