well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
