I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize