i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
