I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
