her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
