what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
