he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have post one night stand depression
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
