I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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