she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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