Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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