Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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