You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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