Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
