She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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