i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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