Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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