yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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