Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
