Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude. I can hear the air.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
