Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
