I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
