I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
