My first STD was from a foam party
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
