And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
