saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
