The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
