Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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