Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
