Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.