got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
