Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
