just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
