Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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