I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
