i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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