Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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