Sponge bath it is.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
