I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His nipple licking is glorious
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