you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
