So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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