Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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