i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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