On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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