You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize