My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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