hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
